Real Steel

Hey do you remember playing rock-em sock-em robots? Those irritating days of being forced to play as the red bot because the piece of plastic that held his head in place was defective. and if you refused real boxing matches would occur. So, that second part was just me?

Well anyway, if you do hold a fondness towards robots and boxing, modern cinema has just the treat for you. Real Steel, somewhat ironically named since the robots are CG, opens (well the trailer) by announcing to the audience "Charlie Canton is in the house!" Get pumped people. Now we know that Charlie (Hugh Jackman) was somebody, but now is not. I'm just assuming that second part since his robot looks like an old rusted jalopy.

I repeat, Jalopy

Jackman then lends us his voice to tell us that fighting has changed, "but the crowd. They never change they just get bigger." And indeed the movie wants to convey the excitement we should be experiencing with sweeping shots over large screaming crowds, but I can't seem to get excited about the concept of this movie at all, and I love giant robots. I'm sure this is some sort of underdog come back story, mixed with a theme of man verse machine. It wants so bad to be rocky, but it doesn't seem to know how. Maybe its because this trailer is more Transformers than Rocky. The main difference being Transformers had Megan Fox in it, of course.

We are shown some scenes of what I assume is training.

Nice work boys, now hit the showers!

But more often then not this trailer is just stylized CGI ejaculate; the over glossed color saturated kind that made me woozy when I watched five minutes of Speed Racer. The kind that might give an epileptic kid a seizure (I just want to state for the record that I am not trying to offend any epileptic kids, just trying to relate a public health concern). This trailer seems to have no desire to try and show us there is a story here. It just shouts at us "HEY WE GOT ROBOTS! AND THEY ARE BOXING!" Wait, was that one of the desperate housewives?

Seriously is it? I'm too lazy to do the research.

This trailer shows us no promise of a story, it doesn't even display an overwhelming amount of action just to try and get us to see the movie out of sheer adrenaline rush. it doesn't promise drama, comedy, character development, or any hint of emotional attachment. All it promises is a lack luster mash of moving pictures. I will end with my favorite quote of the trailer. "The human body can only take so much." Your right Hugh, and my body has taken about all it can from this movie

1 Desperate Housewife hooking up with a robot out of 5

-Andrew Carey