2012

Apparently a long long time ago some ancient civilization said the world was going to end in 2012. Well now we get a trailer where this happens. The trailer is really just a mash of John Cusack, talk of species survival, and a cornucopia of CGI natural disasters (I'm not sure if raining fire is considered natural though).

The trailer opens up with a reel that is supposed to be made to look like the news. This is where we are told about the Mayan calender that ends in 2012. My personal theory about this is that the Mayans got to December whatever 2012 and realized "Wait we probably won't be around in 2012, why the hell are we doing this?" then made up some excuse for why it ended then (like the world ending). The movie (and a lot of Internets) think it is because they predicted the world would end then.

After this there is a section where the Vatican is figured prominently. Here the trailer lets us know how much it thinks and how clever it is by spoon feeding us this CGI metaphor.

If anyone reading this goes to actually see this computer generated world ending simulation, you should try and count the number of scenes in which someone is in a vehicle driving/flying away from a supernatural mayan disaster (I think I just created the 2012 drinking game). The trailer counts four to five. These include John Cusack and company driving away from raining fireballs, the world enveloping in on itself (to where I don't know), and a tornado made of lava being controlled by 30 foot Mayan god ( not really, but I wouldn't put it past them). Then there are the numerous scenes of a plane barely making it in the air, through two collapsing buildings, and some other random objects falling down or up.

So if all these computer generated disasters are going to destroy the world what can humanity do to save itself? The trailer shows us modern day Noah's Ark concept. Fortunately we have the technology to animate a much cooler submarine-esque ship than some weak wood thing. Then we see a scene of a helicopter airlifting a giraffe............ I think the joke writes itself here so...yeah.
We go through some more scenes where we realize that this movie is a metaphor for John Cusack's career and we finally reach the title screen, but wait they're not done with us. Oh No! Is that a air craft carrier being flipped by a wave! Shocking!

Rating:
2.5 CGI John Cusacks out of 5.

Micah Russell